The Marvelous Misadventures Of Paulie
by RobicheauxRocks101
Summary: Paulie has an interesting life filled with lots of mischief and wonder. Follow him on some of his most deliciously disastrous adventures. Slash! Paul/Marko & Implied Paul/Lots of Other People. Reviews are love! Enjoy!
1. The Boardwalk

"Why do margaritas make me so horny?" Paul wondered aloud while they all say on the railing at the boardwalk, scanning the crowds for their next meal.

"Everything makes you horny." David reminded him.

"You're kind of a slut, Paulie." Marko agreed.

"Am not. I'm just adventurous. Nobody wants to be a celibate freak like Davey." Paul replied casually.

"Apparently margaritas make you more of a dumbass than usual too." David growled. "Another comment like that and I'll kick your primped, pansy ass so hard you'll end up back in Romania with Grandma."

"Aw man, I hated that trip." Paul pouted. "Remember when she put me in that monkey suit to meet her boyfriend? That sucked more dick than Marko does."

"Hey!" Marko snarled at him, giving him a shove and making him lose his balance. He plummeted off the railing and into the sand below face first while the others laughed.

"Medic..." He groaned.

"Stay down there for awhile." David suggested, dragging off his cigarette. "Maybe we'll get some peace and quite for once."

"Shit man! You made me get sand all in my mesh!" Paul whined, standing up and trying to brush all of the itchy sand off his body.

"You deserved it, ass face." Marko shrugged him off, tossing a cigarette at him from above and grinning evily. "And by the way, you've sucked way more dick than I ever will." He added, finally satisfied with himself.

Paul climbed back up to the railing and sat on the edge, pulling a joint from his coat pocket. "Got a light, Davey? I need some help makin' Marko look pretty. Guess the booze just wasn't enough."

"You're an asshole." Marko grumbled under his breath, chewing at his leather glove, a bad habit he just couldn't seem to kick.

"But you're still gonna climb under the covers and take care of the stiffy snake later aren't ya?" Paul laughed, sucking in a deep breath full of the good stuff.

"Please stop calling your dick that." Dwayne groaned, rubbing a hand over his face.

"Why? You got a better name?" Paul asked him.

"How about the thing David's going to rip off if you don't start acting your age." David cut in, warning him with a glare when an older woman passed them and Paul made kissy noises at her.

"But Davey, I'm only this many!" Paul whined in his baby voice, holding up his hand to show David six fingers.

"Wrong." Marko corrected him, pulling another finger up to display. "You're seven, Paulie. Learn math. It's a useful skill."

"Naw, I'm good." Paul smiled contently, blowing a couple of smoke rings out into Marko's face and earning a smack to the side of the face.

"Ooh kinky!" He laughed. "You know I like it rough baby."

"Marko take your pet out for a walk." David growled. "Before I yank that nasty mop off his fucking head."

Marko sighed and grabbed Paul's arm. "Come on, Paulie." He said, leading him away from the others.

"Where we goin?" Paul asked cheerfully, more than ready to cause more mischief.

"I don't know..." Marko sighed.

"Ooh there's Dad!" Paul laughed evily, yanking out of Marko's grip and bounding merrily into the video store.

Max gave a stern look to his newest addition when he entered the store. "I thought I told you boys not to come in here anymore." He reminded him.

"Aw come on, Daddy." Paul chuckled. "I wanna see Evil Dead. Got it in here?"

Max growled but nodded towards the back shelves. "Back there." He told him. "Take it and go. I want it back tomorrow."

"Thanks, Pops." Paul giggled, sliding across the counter on his butt to the other side of the store.

"Paul!" Max scolded him, only getting a loud cackle in response.

"I lost sight of him for a minute." Marko sighed, entering the store.

"You know you can't leave him alone." Max told him, voice stern.

"I'm sorry, Dad. He ran off." Marko apologized.

"Sneak attack!" Paul jumped from across the store and took Marko out by the legs to the floor.

"That's enough of that! Paul get out!" Max growled angrily. "And Marko! You keep your eyes glued to him from now on! Understood!?"

Marko nodded obediently and Paul pouted up at Max. "I wove you, Daddy." He whimpered like a little toddler would to get out of trouble.

"Out!" Max demanded.

"Come on, you, before you get both of us grounded." Marko sighed, grabbing Paul's arm and pulling him out of the store.

"That's a nice photo booth over there, Markie." Paul commented when they passed a large booth where a young couple were taking a picture.

"Uh huh..." Marko sighed. Whatever this was it couldn't be good.

"Wanna know what I'm thinking?" Paul asked, a sly grin spreading across his lips.

"Not really." Marko admitted, dragging him along.

Paul pulled him back and have his firm little butt a good goosing.

"Paul!" Marko growled at him, shoving him away.

"Aww who's my kinky little chore monkey?" Paul crooned at him.

"Stop it right now!" Marko demanded.

"Babe come on, we can totally do it in that photo booth!" Paul tried I convince him. "It'll even take pictures of us!"

"Paul..." David growled, stepping towards them.

"Now you're in for it." Marko grinned, satisfied.

Paul rolled his eyes and shoved Marko away. "Your loss, Curly Sue." He muttered.

...

"Davey? Davey? Davey! Daaaavvvveeeeey!?" Paul moaned from where he sat on his bike, waiting for their pack leader to join them.

"Shut the fuck up." David replied, taking a drag off his cigarette as he watched the people of Santa Carla pass him by.

"I'm hungrrry!" Paul whined, wrapping himself around the nearest being, which just happened to be Dwayne.

"Wanna fix that for me, Dwaynie?" Paul suggested, wagging his eyebrows at the older vampire. "Huh? Got a nice thick sausage for me to suck on?"

"You have five seconds to take your hands off me before I snap them off at the wrists." Dwayne growled.

"Ooh somebody's on the rag isn't he?" Paul cackled, untangling himself from Dwayne and hopping onto the railing where David still stood, finishing off his smoke.

"Davey, we gotta stop and get Dwaynie some tampons!" He laughed, balancing himself on the beam.

David cringed in disgust and he threw the rest of his cigarette down, stomping it out with his boot. "Well I've lost my appetite." He muttered, climbing onto his bike. That was the one kind of blood he found extremely distasteful. The mere mention of the womanly cycle made him want to vomit.

"But Paulie still gets food right?" Paul asked, jumping off the rail and running back to his bike.

"Depends..." David said, revving his engine. "Are you gonna be a good little fledgling?"

"Man, I'm never good." Paul cackled proudly. It was the truth.

TBC


	2. The Laundromat

"Behave." David told Paul, voice firm.

"No promises." Paul replied with a cheeky smile, blowing a nice thick smoke cloud towards his big brother.

David growled at him and retreated further back into the cave.

"What's his deal?" Paul asked Marko, stumbling a little bit as he walked around the couch to his mate.

"You." Marko replied. "You're being a huge dick tonight."

"Am not. You're a dick." Paul let out a cackle at his own joke.

"Okay, I think you've had enough of this for one night." Marko sighed as he reached quickly out and snatched the joint from Paul's fingers.

"Aw but Markie..." Paul protested.

"No." Marko snarled back, smashing the weed out on the ground with his boot.

"Dick." Paul frowned at him.

"Whatever. Just grab the dryer sheets and detergent. We gotta be back by sunup unless you wanna become bacon." Marko told him, picking up the two large sacks of laundry and heading towards the mouth of the cave.

Paul followed groggily, tripping over the steps a few times as he hurried to catch up to Marko. Being tired and high seemed like a good combo at one point but at the moment it was really kicking his ass.

...

"Paul, quit standing there like a dope brain and go start the dark load." Marko growled as he hurried to fold several pairs of David and Dwayne's leather pants.

Paul's eyes were glued to one of the washing machines where Marko's white shirts and all of their underwear were spinning around and around. The effects of the marijuana still had him in a tight grip and he was really enjoying the show.

"Wha...what do ya think it does it for huh?" He asked, mind long gone into someplace no one dared to follow it.

"Paul. Seriously, get your ass over here and help." Marko growled, warningly.

"Dude! Have you seen this? This is like...this is like so fuckin' sweet." Paul muttered, eyes still glued to the spin cycle.

Marko sighed deeply and stood from his seat, grabbing the detergent and starting the next load himself before going back to folding all of their leather.

The door to the laundry mat opened up and a rather loose looking woman stepped in with a basket of bright colored clothing.

"Paul..." Marko warned him. This was going to take a not so flattering turn quickly and Marko knew it.

Paul's bloodshot eyes turned to look at the woman, who began stuffing her clothes into the washer next to the one he was watching.

"Hey babe..." He grinned at her. The woman merely scoffed and kept feeding her laundry into the machine.

"Hey? Can ya hear me?" Paul asked again.

"Paul..." Marko warned him again.

"See how fast those things are spinnin' around in there?" Paul giggled to the girl. She finally looked at him but her expression wasn't friendly.

"Paul don't." Marko growled.

"You could be spinnin' like that on my dick if ya wanted." Paul grinned.

The girl gave him a death glare and slammed the washing machine shit before turning to him and placing both hands on her hips in a sassy fashion.

"You think your pretty smooth, huh Buddy?" She asked him.

"Very." Paul cackled. "I hope you're smooth too baby cause I love me some bald..."

Paul got a smack to the face before he could finish the sentence.

"Back off pig! I'm not into fucks like you." She growled at him.

"Ooh feisty." Paul giggled. "I like 'em with a little fight."

"Hey baby..." Another girl, this one tougher looking with a Mohawk, came through the door. "This guy botherin' you?" She asked her partner, looking in disgust at Paul.

Marko ran a hand over his face and shook his head. How did trouble always seem to find its way back to Paul? He just didn't understand.

"Ooh. Lezzies..." Paul licked his lips and cackled, looking them both up and down. "You two ever get freaky with a man? I've been told I'm pretty good." He wagged his eyebrows at them.

Mohawk girl punched him straight in the face, knocking him down, and took her girlfriend's arm. "Let's go Layla." She growled. "We'll come back once they've cleared the trash out." She spit down at Paul before they both left.

"Ouchy..." Paul groaned, sitting up and running his head. "I swear that freaky one had to be a fuckin dude."

"Get up and take the whites out of the washer Paul." Marko growled, stacking the leather all back into one of the sacks. He'd lost all patience with his mate.

"But Markie, I'm horny now..." Paul whimpered, shakily standing back up and hopping up onto one of the dryers.

"Paul get down." Marko told him, rubbing his aching temples. It really was like caring for a toddler sometimes.

"Ooooooh thats fuckin goooood." Paul moaned in ecstasy after he'd placed a couple of quarters into the dryer and turned it on.

"You're such a pain in the ass you know that?" Marko asked him, working around him to take another load of dark clothes out of the dryer next to the one Paul was sitting on.

"But I'm your pain in the ass." Paul grinned back at him, practically drooling while he continued to ride the dryer.

Marko groaned and ignored him. David was going to babysit him next time. This wasn't happening again.

TBC


	3. Induction

"So when ya gonna pop that thing out?" Paul asked David while the bleach blonde stood at the kitchen counter, heavily pregnant with Michael's child.

"Shut up..." He growled at Paul.

"Hey, I'm just tryin' to make conversation, Davey." Paul whined at him. "I ain't done nothin' wrong yet."

David grabbed a large knife and stabbed the watermelon in front of him, cutting it open.

"Cravings huh?" He asked over David's shoulder. "Can I have some of that too?"

"Go bother someone else." David griped at him.

"Okay, okay, I'm going...Jesus..." Paul muttered, jumping down from the counter top and strolling into the living room where Marko sat, watching tv with Laddie.

"Davey's been so grouchy lately." He whined, plopping down in Marko's lap.

"Get off me, Paul." Marko sighed.

"You too?" Paul whined at him. "Markie, you ain't got a bun in the oven too do ya?"

"No I don't, and lay off of David, okay? He could go into labor just like that. We don't need to be bugging him." Marko explained to Paul.

"Maybe he'd be a little less grouchy if that thing was out of him." Paul mused, messing up Marko's hair to entertain himself.

"Maybe. But don't get any bright ideas, okay? David would kill you and so would Michael." Marko assured him.

"Fine...Fine..." Paul agreed, fingers crossed behind his back.

He didn't like this new grouchy all the time, hormone crazed David. So he was going to do the only thing he could to bring his brother back.

He was going to induce him himself.

...

"Stop rubbing me!" David growled at Paul.

"But I wanna feel Paulie Junior." Paul whined at him, popping his bottom lip out in a pout.

"It's a girl, numb nuts." David growled. "How many times do I have to tell you?"

"Okay then. I wanna feel little Pauline. That better?" Paul asked with a cackle.

"Get off me." David growled, shoving his little brother off the couch.

Paul rubbed his head as he pulled a fresh joint from his pocket and lit it up.

"If you light that damned thing in here I'm ripping off your lips..." David warned Paul.

"Aw come on, man, that kid's gonna have to get used to it sooner or later. Might as well start early." He cackled with amusement as he lit the joint, placing it between his lips.

David glared at him as he stood from the couch.

"Where ya goin?" He asked.

"Away from you!" David snarled at him, waddling as quickly as he possibly could away from Paul and his second hand smoke.

Paul rolled his eyes. He'd have to try a little harder if he wanted his little plan to work out.

...

"Hey Davey?" Paul called to his brother as he entered Max's house.

The cave wasn't safe enough for an expecting mother, Max thought. So David and Michael had been crashing at his place.

"What do you want, shit face?" David sighed, laying his head on Michael's shoulder as they rested together on the couch.

"I got some bad news for ya." Paul said, jumping up onto the couch and snuggling up to David.

The older vampire growled at him. "Get off." He snarled.

"Babe, just ignore him. Maybe he'll go away." Michael sighed, not paying Paul any mind.

"Don't ya wanna hear the bad news?" Paul asked. "I think ya do. It's somethin' you'll wanna know."

"What did you do? Should I rip off that hollow head of yours now or later?" David asked, voice full of annoyed anger.

"Well..." Paul started. "Ya know that place with the really steep cliffs that Dad tells me not to ride on cause I'll wreck and he'll have to pay to fix my bike?"

David shoved Paul away suddenly and he hid his face in fear of being hit. Wow. David caught on quick.

But after a few seconds of not being hit, Paul cracked an eye open to see what the hell WAS happening.

"Michael, get my father." David told his mate.

Paul felt something wet soaking into his pants and his mesh.

"Sick. Where'd all this fucking water come from?"

"Just breathe, babe, breathe. You've got this." Michael spoke softly to David, leading the heavily pregnant vampire towards their bedroom.

"Hey!" Paul snapped back to attention, realizing what was going on now. "I was supposed to cause this dammit! You ruined my plan! And I worked hard on it too!"

He desperately tried to get the water off as he stood from the floor.

Something told him David's mood problem wouldn't go away just yet, though. Especially when he found out that Paul had crashed his bike.

"Where are you goin'?" Marko asked as he caught Paul at the front door.

"Mechanic." Paul replied. "The misson's off. Stupid Mother Nature."

Marko raised an eyebrow, but decided not to ask.

TBC


	4. Bonding

When Paul awoke from his nap, he felt something tugging at his hair.

"What the fuck...?" He yawned, reaching back to see who was pulling his hair. He figured it was Marko being a dick.

However, his hand landed on a tiny little foot and he realized it was none other than his newborn son.

"Oh...Hey Laddie. Whatcha doin' up there?" He yawned again.

Laddie suckled his pacifier and nuzzles his head down in Paul's hair.

"Got yourself a new nest there, huh?" Paul asked him. "I don't blame ya. That crib ain't very comfy is it?"

"What are you doing with him?" Dwayne asked, standing in the doorway between the living room and kitchen.

"Mother son bonding, babe." Paul chuckled, reaching over the arm of the couch for the tv remote.

"Bonding?" Dwayne asked. "He's just nesting in your messy hair."

"Messy?" Paul whimpered, pretending to be hurt. "I use name brand conditioner, Bud. Unlike some people."

"Just put him back in his crib." Dwayne growled. "It's time for his nap."

"Oh great. You're gonna be one of THOSE dads." Paul rolled his eyes. "Loosen up, Dwaynie. Kids don't like bein' on a leash ya know."

"Just. Do. It." Dwayne demanded, walking back out of the room.

Paul turned his attention up to Laddie, who was happily nestled into his hair, suckling his pacifier.

"We don't gotta listen to that old windbag, do we little man?" He grinned. "I think it's time Mommy showed you the sights."

...

Paul carried Laddie on his chest in the baby pouch strapped to his chest that Grandma had given him at his baby shower.

The old woman would be glad that the thing was getting so use but she probably wouldn't approve of the antics Paul was exposing the baby to.

"See little man." Paul said, holding one of the baby's tiny hands in his. "This is Santa Carla. Lots to do around here."

Laddie made a gurgling sound and drooled down his chin.

"Yeah. I'm kinda hungry too." Paul sighed, searching the boardwalk for a decent snack.

Laddie sunk his teeth into Paul's hand suddenly and began to suckle.

"Ouch!" He yelped. "Damn, little guy. It's one thing to feed from me but give a guy a warning first."

Laddie continued to suckle from Paul's hand while he, himself looked for a meal of his own.

"Awww what a cute little baby." A young girl in a red tube top exclaimed, approaching Paul with glimmering eyes locked on Laddie.

Paul grinned.

Using Laddie to attract prey was something he knew that Dwayne would NEVER approve of but what did he care?

...

"Mmm." Paul licked the blood from his lips as he and Laddie relaxed beneath the pier.

"Ya know, little dude, you're pretty cool." He told him.

Laddie yawned and nestled himself into his hair.

"Wanna help Mommy run a deal?" He then asked the infant who was falling asleep quickly in his hair.

Laddie began to snore.

"Alrighty. Let's get you back in your pouch, m'kay?" Paul said, lifting Laddie from his hair and lowering him into the little fabric pouch on his chest.

Laddie laid his head against Paul as they walked back up onto the boardwalk.

"Yo, Paulie." A young black haired vampire boy called from behind the snow cone stand.

Paul have him the rock on sign and went to meet him.

"Dude. Seriously. What's with the brat?" The boy asked. "You really brought it with you?"

"Yeah. I thought it was time we did a little bonding. Ya know, like the mother and son kind. Whatever. You got my stuff for me?" Paul asked.

"You got the cash?" The other vamp asked.

Paul dug a fat wad of bills from his coat pocket and tossed it to the other boy, who in turn, handed over a black backpack filled with Mary Jane.

"You!" A deep voice boomed from behind him, suddenly.

Paul turned quickly, fangs dropped in case it was the cops. But however, it was only Dwayne.

"Hey, Chief." He greeted him, face retorting back to his human form. "What's up?"

The other vampire who had supplied Paul with his drugs took off when Dwayne showed up.

"What's up!?" Dwayne growled. "You took my son on a drug deal! You son of a bitch!"

"Whoa now, let's be calm about this, Dwaynie." Paul said, trying to calm him down. "I was just tryin' to bond with the little fella."

"By letting him get caught up in an illegal drug deal at four weeks old!?" Dwayne demanded, dropping fang and snatching Laddie up into his arms.

"Hey. He's gotta learn, right?" Paul chuckled.

Dwayne snarled at him and stomped away with Laddie in his arms.

Paul shrugged and lit up a joint.

He wasn't the best at this mom thing, but at least he tried.

TBC


End file.
